Time to retool

I’ve decided to take a step back and completely retool. The past few months have been an adventure full of dips, a few peaks, and lots of twists, and turns and I’ve become a bit motion sick from the roller-coaster. I’ve learned a lot, but I’ve been so focused on the now that I haven’t been able to apply much of what I learned. I need to take a moment and reevaluate everything, especially my writing.

When I started this journey back in March, it was about having a story to tell and wanting to share it with someone other than myself. Writing in a vacuum is never good and that needed to change. I decided to put my work out there to see what happens and it was all just innocent fun, until it took over my life! I started to obsess that my books weren’t selling, and I began to take it to heart when people were critical. Suddenly, I found I was spending more time on marketing and promotion than actually writing. As I put new words on the page, I found myself worrying about potential readers and what they would think and less about getting down a good story. It wasn’t fun anymore, and I began to lose my passion. That’s not the right place to be as an author. Writing to an audience is essential, but you can’t do that if you let their cacophony of voices influence the page- it becomes like grey mud.

The journey wasn’t all bad, because I learned lessons. The biggest being I’ve come to realize is that my writing is just not ready to share with the world quite yet. Secondly, my timing may be a bit off. There is a lot on people’s minds right now. They are angry, depressed, and scared. Reading is the last thing many people want to do during this moment in history, and if they do pick up a book, they have no patience for a new writer. In their impatience, they were very candid. Of course, the criticism hurt, but I’m old enough to know that you can learn from that pain.

After some soul searching, I’ve decided to start from scratch. When I entered this game, I was overly optimistic and very naive. I didn’t think I would be successful overnight, but I thought it would be better than this. I failed to realize the full extent of the beast I chose to wrestle, and my little bit of planning wasn’t up to the test. Readers’ attention was hard to catch, and once caught, they fought the line all the way only to bite me once on the boat.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve felt my love of telling tales begin to slip away, breaking my heart in the process. I was getting jaded (as you may be able to tell from some of my posts). More than a few times, I almost gave it all up. But I’m a fighter, and instead of just quitting, I’ve decided on this path. I will focus on one story-line and get it perfect, beginning with the Slaying of the Bull and the rest of the Tocharian Gospels. Isa has an extraordinary tale to tell, hidden somewhere in my overly descriptive and wordy prose. Yes, I know my faults as a writer. People have not been shy in holding up a mirror. This second go-around, I am going to get it right. I will start from the beginning and cut and slash until the true masterpiece rises from the pile.

My grandfather always said, “this too shall pass,” and it is a beautiful piece of advice that has helped me through many tough spots in life. Why? Because it’s true. He survived D-Day and WWII, so he knew what he was talking about. How often do we find ourselves in a tough spot, when it feels like the end of the world as come, only to roll over the hurdle like waves in life’s ocean. We look back and say, “that wasn’t that bad.” This wave tossed me about and gave me a few good punches, but I’ve come up for air with a smile on my face. I won’t let the next wave catch me by surprise. This time, I will be ready for it and will ride it into shore! See you in a bit.

Cheers!