Looking back

In my quest for content, I decided to look back at my first blog posts from four years ago (the very first is here if you’re interested). It was a month after I started working from home due to the pandemic. Thinking this situation would be temporary, I posted daily to build up some content. I never expected it would last for two solid years! When I began to realize we were in for the long haul during the second or third month of isolation, the panic to get my thoughts out before life returned to normal eased. I reduced my posts to about once a week and have maintained that ever since. It’s been quite the journey. This post will be number 225.

In rereading past blogs, I was searching for a change in myself. What I found surprised me. I was so very optimistic. Strangely enough, the world was quite literally falling apart as we adapted to a new normal of isolation. But from those ashes, I was striving to pull out something positive. With hours of my life reclaimed from not having to commute, I dusted off some old writing projects and dared to dream. I suddenly had so much time, and everything was new to me. I never had a website before, so I figured out how to build one. Twitter and Instagram were always something the kids did, but I decided to see what all the hype was about. Self-publishing was a mystery full of potential, so why not take a chance and live a little? My day job became abstract and distant. I lost weight, my health improved as my wife and I took long daily walks, and we ate better. I was writing four to five hours a day. Projects around the house that had sat for years were finally getting done. I was gaining new knowledge and being more productive than ever. The world outside was spiraling, but my internal world was thriving, and looking back at it all, I actually miss it. I don’t miss the uncertainty and the tremendous human toll, but I miss the time to focus a little on myself.

Gosh, those first posts were cringe-worthy, but In time, I got better. I had completely forgotten what I had written and was pleasantly surprised. I also noticed my path twisted and turned as I stumbled to find my way. Projects were started with a flurry of enthusiasm, only to wither a few months later. I abandoned two whole series until I found the one that stuck with Absolution of the Morning Star. I also shifted genres from horror to historical fiction and thriller before finding a home in dark fantasy. I dabbled in low-content books, tried different modes of marketing, and wrote about my travels, experiences living in China, and some teenage camping trips. I shared my successes and my struggles. It is all a bit hodgepodge. But you know what? That’s ok. I am a complicated human, and my blog demonstrates that perfectly.

How long will I keep this up? I honestly don’t know. It was never something I thought I would do, but it has become part of my life now, and I enjoy all the people I’ve met and have been able to interact with. Creating content every week is a struggle. I won’t lie. But just like I did today, looking back and seeing where I’ve been is helpful. I might not have the optimism I once had, but reminiscing about all those hopes and dreams helps me remember why I write, and a bit of the optimism returns. That’s pretty neat and makes it all worth it.

Cheers!