NOTICE OF VAGRANT WHELPS AND MARKET MISCHIEF AT AMICUS SQUARE

HEAR YE. HEAR YE.
BY ORDER OF SHERIFF KELSTER OF THE CITY WATCH
AND FOR THE PEACE OF GOODFOLK OF THIS QUARTER,
LET THIS BE MADE KNOWN, POSTED, AND REMEMBERED.

Be it known to all honest souls who trade, toil, worship, or pass through our beautifulAMICUS SQUARE, that the Watch has received MANY COMPLAINTS, sworn oaths, and angry petitions from merchants and householders regarding the growing insolence and mischief of STREET-CHILDREN, VAGRANT WHELPS, AND RIVER-BRATS, who do haunt the market-ways like flies upon carrion.

These feral youths—rag-clad, sharp-eyed, and bold as thieves—have been observed most oft at the busiest hours, when carts rattle, and the crowd thickens, WORKING IN KNOTS, with one to distract and another to steal, and a third to ferry the stolen wears into the press like smoke.

It is reported, and attested by more than one vendor, that these whelps do commit the following offenses with regularity:

• PICKPOCKETING: cutting purse-strings, slipping fingers into cloak-folds, and lifting coins from belt-pouches.
• SNATCHING GOODS from open stalls: potatoes, turnips, apples, and crusts seem to be the most commonly taken, but some have reported whole fish, hogs, and sides of beef, barrels of wine and beer, and even furs, the lifeblood of our fair city.
• QUARRELLING AND BRAWLING in the lanes: shouting, spitting, striking, and throwing stones so that customers are startled, and respectable trade is spoiled.
• UPSETTING VITTLES AND DRINK: knocking bowls, jugs, and baskets into the muck, and then fleeing as the vendor must bear the loss.
• BEGGING WITH THREATS: swarming a passerby, weeping false tears, then hissing curses when denied.
• FILING INTO DOORWAYS AND SHADOWS to waylay the timid, the pious, or those who walk alone.

Moreover—let all take especial note—some among these whelps have been seen SMEARED IN HORSE DUNG AND OTHER FILTH, coating hair, face, neck, and hands in a vile paste, either out of wicked jest or to evade correction, so that no honest hand would seize them and no decent soul would come near to reprimand. This unclean practice is a DANGER TO THE CITY, risking the spread of POTENT SICKNESS, and offending both nose and decency, so that passersby must cover mouth and cloth as though walking through a charnel lane.

The Watch has received particular grievance from greengrocers, fishmongers, bakers, pie-men, ribbon sellers, and church-servants, all of whom attest that trade is soured, customers are driven off, and honest folk must clutch their belts as though walking through a robber’s wood.

Let none think this a small matter. What begins as a lifted coin becomes a habit; what begins as a habit becomes a gang; and what becomes a gang becomes a PLAGUE OF LAWLESSNESS that chokes honest commerce.

LET IT THEREFORE BE PROCLAIMED AND SET DOWN PLAIN:

1. Any citizen who is PICKED, PUSHED, SPAT UPON, ROBBED, OR TROUBLED by these children shall raise the alarm and call for the Watch at once so the necessary actions can be made.
2. All stall-keepers are urged to keep A CLUB OR STICK AT HAND for swift reprimand of erroneous ways, to set a youth or helper near their wares with sharp eyes, and to hang purses and knives close—FOR THESE WHELPS LOVE WHAT DANGLES.
3. Let honest folk beware the common tricks:
   • One child tugs a sleeve while another slips the purse,
   • One child falls or feigns a limp to draw pity, while another steals,
   • One child stinks so foul that the victim is distracted with covering their nose, only to be lightened in that very moment.
4. Any who knowingly HARBOR, FEED, OR HIDE such vagrant whelps—especially those smeared in filth—do make themselves PARTICIPANTS in the nuisance, and shall answer when questioned and face the prospect of a fee or other punishments.
5. And because mercy without correction is but the feeding of wolves, THE FOLLOWING PUNISHMENTS are ordained for any street-whelp seized in mischief within Amicus Square and its lanes, to be applied according to offense and repetition, at the Sheriff’s discretion:

FOR THE FIRST OFFENCE or PETTY PILFERING, RUDE BEGGING, OR NUISANCE:

• A SHAVING OF THE HEAD (that all may know the offender), and/or
• A DUNKING IN THE RIVER (one full submersion per offense, to wash off filth and pride), and/or
• A DAY OF SWEEPING the square and gutters under watch, with no pay and no complaint allowed.

FOR THE SECOND OFFENSE or PICKPOCKETING, CUT PURSE-STRINGS, OR FLIGHT FROM WATCH, along with all of the above:

• THE STOCKS from sun-high to dusk, with a placard hung at the neck reading THIEF,
• and thereafter A WEEK OF LABOR: hauling refuse, scraping dung, and turning compost heaps, that the offender may learn the honest stink.

FOR THE THIRD OFFENSE or STONE-THROWING, BRAWLING, OR FOULING PERSONS AND GOODS, along with all of the above:

• THE PILLORY at the market’s edge,
• A LASHING not to exceed a number the Sheriff deems fitting,
• and A BRAND OF HOT IRON upon the cheek, that merchants may see at a glance what sort of creature reaches toward their wares.

FOR THE FOURTH OFFENSE or ANY OFFENSE GRAVE ENOUGH TO ENDANGER LIFE, along with all of the above:

• BANISHMENT BEYOND THE WALLS at dawn, with no right of return, to make their living where wolves and weather keep truer law than children do.

And let it be understood: the Watch does not delight in laying hands upon children. Yet a city is a body—when rot is allowed to fester in its corners, it climbs to the heart.

SO KEEP YOUR DOORWAYS CLEAN,
KEEP YOUR COIN CLOSE,
AND DRIVE OFF FILTH BEFORE IT BREEDS.

POSTED THIS DAY,
beneath lamp and nail,
for the warning of the square,
and the discouragement of wickedness.

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