Orange juice

Phew, that was an intense month in an already fierce year. September in the education space is always challenging, but with the added complexity of COVID and trying to return to “normal,” this year was a real bear. It’s still not over, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I missed five days of writing last month because of my day job and was only able to put out a few blog posts, which is frustrating. I was doing so well being consistent and writing at least 1,000 words a day. I am so close to the 100,000-word mark on my current WIP (Son of the Mourning) that I can taste it, but work keeps holding me back. I know that my minor difficulties don’t amount to much in the scheme of things, but at very close to 40, I keep asking myself, is this how I want to spend my life?

I don’t know about you all, but COVID put things into perspective of how much time I wasted commuting to work and just running through the motions. Last week, I hustled to the office, had one in-person meeting through a mask (only because we were both on campus), and then five back-to-back Zoom meetings, before traveling an hour back home- a total of more than two-hour commute just to do what I have been doing on my couch for a year and a half. I wasn’t even able to open my office door to socialize. That night, I had a headache, my jaw and throat were sore from wearing a mask all day, and I didn’t have the energy or the drive to write. When I can’t write, I get nervous and depressed and can’t sleep. When I try to hit the page again, I have difficulty getting back into the flow. Currently, I only have to go into the office once a week, but somehow, it seems like even more of a waste of time. I’m doing it just to fulfill a requirement. I am healthier, more efficient, and generally get more done for work and life at home. So why do I have to add the stress to be in an office?

As a species, we should look at how we spend our limited time and ask ourselves, why? Is this why we’ve been blessed with this gift of life? Are we on this planet just to spend most of our existence going through the motions of our day jobs to earn a few years of rest before we die? I don’t know about you, but what seemed so important before all this mess suddenly lost its place on the pedestal. I feel like I am sacrificing the best years of my life so that others can be rich and happy. I feel like an orange being squeezed of all my goodness, leaving me a dry, wrinkled, flavorless husk.

I hope COVID changes us. I hope we don’t just fall back into the rut of what was. I hope that we learn, change, and become stronger. This moment now will be a time spoken of in history books. I hope we won’t be guilty of not listening to its lesson. Currently, 708,000 people have died of COVID in the US (more than 4.5 million worldwide). Let those numbers sink in for a moment. World War II killed 405,399 Americans, and look how much it changed the world. Do you think all those that have died, and all those that they left behind in grief and emptiness, would want us just to go back to normal? I don’t think so. I think they would like us to live and not waste the gift they lost.

Luckily, this is a long weekend. If you can’t tell, I need it! I’m looking forward to long walks with my wife, good meals, and putting some words on the page to finally cross that 100,000 mark. I’m going to stand in the crisp fall sun, live in the moment, and take a deep breath of gold.

Cheers!