More bitter than sweet

After living with us for four months, my in-laws have returned to China. People were always shocked when I told them how long they were staying with us. Many thought me a saint. They arrived at the end of May and stayed until September 18. It is a long time, but if you’re going through the hassle of getting a visa and making such a long sojourn, it makes sense to stay for a while. I hadn’t seen them in several years due to COVID-19, and being so far away from her parents is unbelievably trying on my wife, so spending a good chunk of time with them was good for us both.

They arrived safe and sound back in China yesterday after more than 30 hours of travel. Their flight was direct from Boston to Beijing, but because of the war in Ukraine and the closing of Russian airspace, the flight couldn’t take the typical route over the Arctic and had to stop in Seattle to refuel. They arrived in Beijing in the early morning, took a taxi to the train station, waited several hours, and then took a four-and-a-half-hour high-speed train ride from Beijing to Dalian. When they arrived, they cleaned and went grocery shopping. They are unbelievably tough people. Born soon after World War II and having experienced all the change and turmoil in China, they had to be.

This was their fourth time staying with us in the US, so it was nothing particularly new, but for some reason I am bummed more now than before. After about three months, I was ready for them to leave, but something happened over the last few weeks. I guess I got used to… maybe even depended on them being here, and the suddenness of their departure almost feels like mourning. The house is quiet and still, and the routine we had all fallen into suddenly leaves a void my wife and I don’t know how to fill yet.

We had our rough patches; four adults with different ways of doing things (and different cultures) living with each other for so long is not ideal. But ultimately, we had a great time and shared so many memories. Several things will stick with me forever. Our trips to Puerto Rico, Cape Cod, and Vermont were filled with great moments and adventures. Then, our nightly walks along the beach and chitchatting while watching the surf helped ease the stress of a long workday. The Cornhole tournament with my parents was an experience, especially when my mother-in-law beat me in the final game, much to my shame. My in-laws were so excited when we finally told them I had signed a publishing contract for Koen (you can read more about that here). My mother-in-law didn’t know what to do, so she sang Happy Birthday to me in English, the only song she knew, while my father-in-law toasted me with Sangria- the only wine we had in the house. The night before they left, we all filed out and viewed the harvest moon together to celebrate Mid-Autumn Day, an important holiday in Chinese culture, and my father-in-law recited a poem in Chinese. I barely understood what he was saying but got enough to feel the sentiment, and it was a fitting ending to a significant moment in our lives.

It will become more challenging for them to come here as they age. The trip is long and hard. They are both in their 70s, so we likely have one more time, maybe two if we’re lucky before it won’t be safe for them. The anti-US sentiment makes it increasingly more challenging for us to travel there, and if war should break out, I don’t know what we would do (or could do). If saner voices don’t prevail in US/Chinese relations, we face some huge decisions in the future. With my wife being an only child, we are responsible for caring for them in their old age. They could come here, but healthcare is so damn expensive, and they would lose their social network. We could go there but would face many inconveniences if not outright danger, especially me. I can’t blend in. We could find a place in the middle, like Thailand or Malaysia, but that would be a considerable shock and change for all of us- and logistically tricky on my in-laws’ side.

For now, those worries are for the future. I will focus on my good memories and dab away the tears when I enter their empty room. I will look forward to perhaps seeing them in China next winter and having them back the following summer for my wife’s triumphant graduation with her doctorate. We’re already beginning to plan! I will use this time of silence and calm to focus on my writing. The details of Koen’s cover are being worked out with the publisher. I’ve finished editing The Novice of Thanatos and decided to query again (the letter template and synopsis are almost ready). Lastly, I wrote nearly 2,000 words yesterday in Destiny of the Daystar (book 4 of the Absolution of the Morning Star series). Currently, I am on page one hundred or roughly 25,000 words. I’ve got plenty to keep me busy and my mind occupied. Maybe, just maybe, some crazy spark will ignite, and my writing journey will shoot to the stars, and we won’t have to worry about all these logistical and financial difficulties. You just never know. Maybe it will become more sweet than bitter.

Cheers!